Royce

Im a bit confused about why the witch is throwing stones at Tia. Could you please explain that more please?

Vanessa

Wow what a great story this is turning into. I would really like to know what the wicked witch will get up to. I wonder how Tia got to be with the witch when Tia is so good and the witch is so mean. Will you be telling us whether the twins are boys or girls and what their names are?
You have used some fantastic descriptions, I can picture the Kingdom and the water and rocks and the witches house sounds scary. I wonder what will happen next?

Matthew

I really enjoyed your story. You have used some great describing words. My favourite description was of the witches cobweb hair - that made me shiver! The ending made me laugh alot. It was very unexpected, which makes it fun to read. Well done. Your final paragraph needs a little more editing to bring it up to the same standard as the rest of your story presentation. I will be interested to see what Title you give your story.

Hana

You have created a complicated story line. I like the way you have described the scary octopus and that he becomes friends with your story's main character because they help each other. Could you explain more about the bad witch and why she wants to poison Magic? You get a little lost in the middle of your story and it is a little hard to follow there. Your last paragraph is good. It explains what happens to Magic and that she can live again. It would be good if you could break that paragraph into smaller sentences. I look forward to reading your update.