Hana

You have created a complicated story line. I like the way you have described the scary octopus and that he becomes friends with your story's main character because they help each other. Could you explain more about the bad witch and why she wants to poison Magic? You get a little lost in the middle of your story and it is a little hard to follow there. Your last paragraph is good. It explains what happens to Magic and that she can live again. It would be good if you could break that paragraph into smaller sentences. I look forward to reading your update.