Liam

Hi Liam

I really liked the way you have started your story. I can picture the cave and I can see the diamonds sparkling in the cave. I was wondering if the bats are going to help protect the treasure from the bad guys. I was also wondering how the thieves found the cave with the treasure in it?

You have lots of characters in your story and I wondered if it might be easier to write about only three or four of them as the good and bad characters. What do you think?